Barton G's Miami - More kitsch than kitchen but still worth it

I love to go out to eat and I am always reading up on new restaurants and visiting as many as I can.   While in Miami recently, we were looking for a fun place to go with another couple. After doing my usual research, I discovered a place I had not heard of despite it's being in existence for ten plus years.

Barton G. Weiss is described as an "event concept designer" and the website for his restaurant Barton G's claims to provide "an experience like no other".  It seems like every decent restaurant I go to these days is promising "an experience like no other" so needless to say, I was a bit skeptical about this one.

We showed up a few minutes early for our 8:45 reservation and the walk up appeal of the restaurant is immediate.  The host stand is located at the entrance of a tropical garden dining area with white lights running throughout.  There is also a smaller inside dining room that is decorated in a very crisp but comfortable manner.  We asked to be seated outside and we didn't even make it to our table before we had our first "experience".

A table of four was enjoying their dessert of a chocolate fountain at their table.  Why did this stop us in our tracks?  Well, this was a two foot tall fountain...the kind you would expect in Texas instead of Florida.  They were dipping mega-sized marsh mellows (the size of the Stay Puff Marsh Mellow man's fingers), pineapple, cherries, cakes and more in the chocolate.  There was so much to dip they began handing skewers out to other patrons.

Once we realized we were gawking and holding up traffic, we moved on to our table.  The discussion was "Wow, dessert looks pretty cool, let's make sure we save room" but we didn't really think much more than that.

Our server did a nice job of describing the menu...just like they do at every other restaurant.  He gave very detailed descriptions of what the food is and how it's prepared but was radio silent on anything else.  **SPOILER ALERT**  If you want to be surprised as well, don't read any further, book your table and go have fun.  For those of you who might not be on adult spring break in South Beach any time soon and want to hear more...

I started with the Tipsy Tuna which was a fun name to describe the tuna crudo marinated in vodka.  My husband choose Boarnie Madoff's Bucket of Bones which made us laugh and was pretty much exactly what it sounds like...an assortment of legs, wings and drumsticks of animals you might find in a small zoo.  Our friends ordered Lobster Pop-Tarts and Crispy Voodoo Shrimp Rolls which may have had slightly more boring names but believe me, were far from boring.

Tipsy Tuna

First up...Tipsy Tuna.  Had I realized what was in store for me, I would have taken a camera so you could actually see what the dish looked like but here's a picture from my iPhone.  The tuna was in small pieces with lots of fresh cilantro and great color.  In an airplane mini bottle was the "tipsy" portion of the dish which was a refreshing combination of vodka, cucumber water and sesame that complemented the tuna perfectly.  It was all served in a bottle shaped dish "suspended" on a piece of rope.  Visually this was a very interested and pretty presentation but nothing too over the top

Lobster Pop Tart and
Crispy Voodoo Shrimp Rolls

Our friends got their appetizers next.  We weren't expecting the toaster that the Lobster Pop Tarts were served in or the smoking "cocktail" sauce that accompanied the shrimp rolls and it was at that point we realized we were in fact in store for the "experience" that had been promised so many times before but never really delivered.

Boarnie Madoff

Each dish is presented in a unique and fun way and Barton G's does a very nice job of staggering the presentation of each dish so you can discover each one individually.

After the appetizers, we weren't sure what to expect next.  Everyone opted for seafood entrees.

One Potato, Two Potato was a good take on sea bass but other than the potato pierogi, the accompaniments were hard to identify.  It seemed like someone had gotten a good deal on the 24" potato peeler rising from the plate and the chef just tried to come up with something to match it rather than vice versa.

One Potato, Two Potato
(and some REALLY big peelers)

The other seafood dish was Lured by Grouper.  It came with a two foot tall fishing lure but the lobster tater tots were the most alluring thing on this plate.  Big, flavorful and cooked perfectly...we wished we were still five years old so we could just have the tater tots for dinner.

One of the other fun things we saw go by with the chicken entree was a knights helmet complete with a feather plume.  It is interesting how many seemingly normal people will put that thing on their head.

Chocolate Indulgence

Dessert was a treasure...literally.  We ordered the Chocolate Indulgence and that is certainly what we got.  A small treasure chest arrived at the table with a chocolate brownie and vanilla ice cream set upon graham cracker "sand" complete with gold bouillon.  It was good (what chocolate dessert isn't) but once again, the presentation won out.

A couple of others things of interest.  If you are looking for a great wine experience at Barton G's you will be disappointed.  The selection is limited and the price points suggest that they think the list is a little more inspired than it really is.  Most of the alcohol energy is clearly directed towards the speciality cocktails that we saw going by in clouds of smoke and bubbles.  They also claim to not accept children after 6:30.  Unless the people next to us had two hours of cocktails (which is certainly understandable), this is not the case.  The cute little girl we saw when we sat down soon became the screaming child from hell for the next hour.

All in all, this was one of the most enjoyable dining experiences I have had in a while.  If you are in Miami and are looking for something a little different, check out Barton G's.  If you are in Los Angeles, he is opening a restaurant in West Hollywood this year.